The extensive four-hour ritual began, the one where you attempt to get ready amid the chaos of cooking dinner and plucking eyebrows.
“Mummy, what you doing?” It was her youngest, Myke.
“Mummy is trying to take off her eyebrows so they look straight and not like caterpillars anymore,” said Myke’s big sister, Liz.
“Thanks darling, glad to know my eyebrows look like insects to you.” Cat rolled her eyes as she attempted to pluck a rather unnerving grey hair.
“Mummy why do you have bugs on your face?” Myke demanded immediately. “I don’t like bugs! Hurry up and take them off!”
Liz answered for her: “When you get older you have caterpillars for eyebrows and when you get really reeeeally old you grow spiders out your nose like Grandad.”
“But I don’t want spiders in my nose!” Her youngest looked terrified at the thought, which only encouraged her daughter to laugh.
“Then, when you go to bed at night you get earwigs,” continued Liz.
“Mummy I don’t want wigs in my ears!” His bottom lip started to quiver. Liz looked at Myke, a grin spreading across her face. She carried on teasing her bother.
“…and if you get sick you get tummy bugs.”
It was a comment too far. The terror of it made his eye glisten, matching Cat’s own watery eyes, though hers came from the sting of hair removal.
“Sweetheart,” she sighed. “I don’t have bugs on my face, you won’t get them in your tummy, Grandad doesn’t have spiders in his nose and you don’t get earwigs at bedtime. Your sister is just playing. Liz, stop messing with your brother.” She bent over and kissed Mykes head, wiping his eyes. Ruffling Liz’s hair, she pleaded “Now, can the pair of you go and play for five minutes please so I can finish getting ready?”
With that, a chuckling Liz picked up her traumatised brother and disappeared out the bathroom. Finally, some peace.
Cat was excited. This was only the second date she had agreed to from the online world but this time it had promise. Things had been getting steamy and the prospect of meeting Nick in the flesh was making her feel a little dizzy. Or was that the nausea… Maybe once the kids had been picked up, Cat might have a pre-drink drink to ease the nerves before venturing out out. However, turning up and meeting an incredibly hot guy, already tipsy, might not be the best idea.
Cat washed the aftermath of her hair removal ritual down the drain. Now, it wasn’t that she was expecting things to get heated later but just in case they did—and they very well might—judging by the way the conversation had been going, she thought she should be prepared. You know, just in case…
The chaos-kids kissed and collected, it was now time for the arduous task of picking a fecking outfit… ugh! What do you wear on a first date? Underwear was easy: a sweet, white, lacy number; not too slutty but sexy and cute. Her bra pushed her boobs up just enough to make them appear pert—no extra padding needed. Cat felt herself rather blessed in the breast department, even after two children.
The clothes dilemma was the real challenge. Trousers or skirt? And if skirt, tights or stocking? Shit. Stocking felt like she was inviting sex, and she wasn’t yet sure if things were headed in that direction. The idea did excite her though; getting up close and personal with Nick had sparked a lingering tingle in her loins. The thought of being back between the sheets with a guy made Cats cheeks flush. It had been so long since she’d been with anyone and a shit load longer with anyonenew. The excitement turned to nerves; her stomach flipped. What if she’d forgotten how to move in the expert way she used to? What if she was no good at this shit anymore? What if he was no good? What if the whole thing turned out to be a super short, awkward mess and, and, and…
Maybe she was gonna need that drink after all. And anyway, it was a first date. So, while she could entertain the idea of a naughty exchange, sex on a first date was obviously never a good thing.
The phone beeped: incoming message.
Nick: See you in an hour, I’ll be waiting at the bar.
Double crap! She had an hour to finish getting ready and dash into town. Better get a bloody move on!
With no time to lose Cat slipped into her lacy lingerie, noticing to her absolute horror she had forgotten a pre date prep essential …. Cat was spouting a bikini beard! It was the kind of look that could only be pulled off by a 70’ porn star however, in modern society unsightly lady hair was simply not acceptable. ‘Fuck It’ She was running out of time. With only one unavoidable option, Cat was going to have to succumb to the dreaded emergency shave.
As we all know shaving a Bekini line is never a good idea and should only ever be attempted in moments of utter desperation. This was forgivably one of those so called ‘moments’. Cat new she would invariably face the aftermath of scratchy pimples but it was a discomfort she was going to have to endure. Cat grabbed what was left of the shaving moose Liz had mistakenly used for hair products. With lightening speed Cat began the arduous task of attending to her lady garden. Her mind had been a little pre occupied the last few days and now she kicking herself for not booking in a pre-date ‘Just in Case’ waxing and this was all Tony’s fault.
And in that instant Cat realised that for the first time in days she had successfully managed to go a few hours without thinking about Tony. See, this date was exactly what the distraction police had ordered.
Sat on the bus, she felt sick. Actually physically sick. Hopefully, Nick wouldn’t suggest going for food as Cat wasn’t sure her stomach could hold anything down right now. She hated the idea of food on a first date, it was always so awkward. What do you eat? Where do you eat? As a girl who loved her food she didn’t want her overenthusiastic eating to put him off. And really, what do you eat?! Italian had disaster written all over it. She wished she hadn’t chosen a loose-fitted, silk white vest, as a tomato sauce incident was inevitable and she’d be stuck with the offending stain on her top for the rest of the evening.
Curry would leave them both with delightful curry-breath. And besides, she liked it hot. She didn’t want to imagine sharing a first kiss with Nick if it came with vindaloo burps. Anything with noodles was out, obviously. Whilst a self-proclaimed “dab hand” with chopsticks, they had a tendency to flee her fingers and shoot a trail of sticky mess across her chin. Mexican had a magical way of repeating on her in very unladylike manners. Certainly, stuffing her face with a spicy Burrito would lead to embarrassment by the time the bill came. It was decided then: no food. Unless, of course, the date was a complete disaster, in which case she could grab a kebab on the way home. Sorted.
Now, only 10 minutes away from actually meeting Nick, she was bubbling like an overwhelming cocktail of adrenaline and panic. She sat back in her seat, breathing deeply, gazing out of the window. Her mind raced. She examined her emotions and the conclusion was good. The exhilaration and anticipation of meeting this guy made her feel… alive.
And she liked it.
Thanks for reading and if you fancy catching up with the story so far here’s the link. Adventures with Cat